dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
Bea Arthur died yesterday
You shut your stupid mouth
Betty White is next, I just know it.
Betty White will never die! She's like Dick Clark. Rue McCalahan is next.
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
i fucked a milf yesterday.
i'm not impressed, in this generation that could technically mean a 16 year old.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
I made weed fried chicken. What have you done today?
He is passed out on the kitchen floor. He will fight you if you disturb him. Just a warning.
It starts with an S and ends with arah just gave me a bj.
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
Stole every fake plant from the lobby and placed it in front of you're apartment door, Enjoy!
What are you doing? Did I punch you in the face last night?
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I doubt she'll sponsor it. You know alcohol and fireworks don't mix, right?
It's okay. We're not going to soak the fireworks in alcohol. The alcohol is for drinking.
Randomize
