i'd fuck the guy who invented dead baby jokes.
if you could put a roof over IU campus it would be the biggest whorehouse in the nation
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Found out my brother is now my eskimo brother...One of my proudest times as a brother
i think i had a heart attack, prayed, and jizzed my pants.all at once.
How do you set tits on fire ? I swear her tits were on fire.
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No, no... it's pale and surrounded by awkward, curly, red hair. It's the Ronald McDonald of penises.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
Please explain why there is a video of you peeing in the Taco Bell bathroom on my phone? Also why did you wink at the end?
I was at a bus stop, eating a load of bread. Fairly sure I'm the poster child for poor students.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
And I wasn't CONVICTED of a felony, I just committed one
Not sure when or why this happened but I just stopped giving a shit about everything
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
