You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
i just licked my manager on accident and i'm freaking out
I sent him a pic of my tits.. All he said was, "oh your sun burn"
hot doctor. gonna get him to touch my tits. 'think i felt a lump' excuse in 3-2-1...
When were having sex he was mumbling some guys name. If he wasn't as hot as he is I'd be concerned.
some guy just burried his vomit in the sand.
I wish Samuel L. Jackson would narrate our bar crawls
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
"It's not a date, we're just spending the entire day at a concert and then getting high together." Awesome.
You have found the Promised Land of friend zones
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
I will be single by the day my lease is up (234 days). Plan accordingly.
So is the trick to long distance communication to be drunk during phone conversations?
Come over.
Look lady I can't have sex with you EVERY day. I have things to do.
Randomize
