Please advise as to how precisely ashamed I should be if I just became sexually aroused by a Harry Potter and the Half Blood Prince preview
I just realized I'm gonna get paid at midnight on New Years Eve. That could be dangerous.
It was not a dingleberry, it was a dinglemelon
I'm one shot of soco 100 away from fucking a mailbox
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
I don't know how I'm gonna do that tomorrow. I feel like I was hit by the motorhome. LOL I WAS.
Party was cancelled. Me and my dog are high as tits. Wanna go roam the outlet mall?
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
The claw marks on my back are healing nicely. Just thought you should know.
My bad. Next time I'll wear mittens.
In the 2nd smartest move of my day your ringtone for when you call is now the Space Jam theme.
There are many penises to be discovered and claimed tonight
We're like Lewis and Clark
I kind of really want to call off the engagement but I kind of need his mom's mashed potatoes on thanksgiving so I'm between a rock & a hard place here
Unintionally got shitfaced at study group this week. The waitress brought out a fishbowl of long Island iced tea. Challenge accepted.
I'm the one who said we should take things slow. I'm also the one who forced him into the back on my car so we could have sex.
Randomize
