i know ur right I'm sorry I'm stupid and incompitent look I can't even spell incompetent right! Fuck!
The vibrating part of my dildo broke, now I have to rely on gyration.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
I had to go to the bank to confirm purchases made on 10/31/09 because they were signed as Lady Gaga
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
K. On the way. I need a drink.
Like a drink drink or like water?
Have we met?
cat food counts as protein by the way
He cooked me dinner. I showed my appreciation by showing up shithoused and breaking a bottle of steak sauce on his floor.
the paramedic just looked at me like "you again?"
I'm just sayin' man be careful, that chick has castration written all over her.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Is it morally wrong to give today's hookup a Krispy Kreme from yesterday's hookup or is it just fat love?
we're spending all day in bed drinking spiked eggnog and fucking
I mean seriously...It's like the universe is saying "your vagina is closed, move along"
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Randomize
