Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
i just fucked the bartender on my cruise to get free alcohol. have things gone too far?
I remember it because it was right after the sadness and right before the sluttiness. The calm before the storm if you will
NOLA update. Went to Corey Smith at the house of blues last night. Drank PBR and took lots of shots of Jack. Too drunk, cabbed it to the hotel and fell asleep while having sex. Not my finest moment. Now I'm in court. I can't wait to be your attorney.
Can't tell if its the LSD or if that demon man just stared at my penis. Cleveland is a weird place. All true stories.
Find a vagina and bring it to me. Like feeding a tiger.
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
Just shaved my crotch so I could call it the bald eagle. Happy 4th.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
I can't hangout tonight, I have a phone sex appointment at 10
I can't decide if I miss drinking or you, they are so closely connected.
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Fursuit judi Dench just stared directly at me for 3 solid minutes telling me that cats arent dogs and i believe her because if i dont cat jason derulo might try to have sex with me
Randomize
