I got everything I ever gave her back, every picture, and money for the dog. I didn't want it she brought it all back and gave it to me. clothes jackets, pictures, dried flowers, ear rings, necklace...
Sell it on ebay and let's go to the bar
dinner at cheesecake factory: $40. drinks at yard house: $50. having sex in the VG parking lot while people are staring at you awkwardly: priceless. Goodnight.
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
just wondering who decided to put a cup of throw up in my fridge
well, I suppose if I had to pick a penis to represent the american public, yours would be it
hotel security told us you walked into the hotel with blood all over your dress, weren't wearing any underwear and were escorted back by three men who were believed to be "homosexuals".
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He made me sneak beer in the diaper bag... guess who is winning 2012 parents of the year
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
I was intimate with him for twenty minutes and will be intimate with shame for twenty years.
I'm not gonna swipe right, he has better hair than me. Just no.
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