I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
And. No one ejaculated on anyones face. This is all wrong
She called me Jeff during sex, I just kept going like nothing happened. To think, if I was a woman that would be a problem.
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
You challenged yourself to walk backwards all the way to the bar... And you did
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
So my mind was like YOU ARE TOTALLY GONNA MAKE IT TO CLASS TODAY but then my body was all LOL NO YOU AIN'T.
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
Welcome to the single world where it seems vibrator batteries are in short supply and making a sandwich while naked at 2am is relatively normal
lets start a news segment called WHY IS LEOS CROTCH BURNING TODAY
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