so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
Oh my god. I opened up my microwave and there was a pile of bacon in it. It's like my mother knew I'd be hungover.
i just threw up in the porta potty. i am in no condition to be guarding anyone's life rite now.
If letting him bang me while i'm wearing reindeer antlers and a painted red nose isn't the christmas spirit, I dont know what is
We don't have a lot of plans besides weed and cake
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
You might be at the point of severe desperation when you gotta hold the two pieces of your broken vibrator together just to get off.
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm covered in glow paint and I can't find my shirt. So, successful night
leave me alone I'm becoming one with nature and doing plant things
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
I'm going to need a penis the size of a bat
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
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