im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
so when I got there he was dressed as jesus in a recliner drinking whiskey out of the bottle watching spanish porn. Then kept shouting dont judge me or ill judge you. we didn't even go to a halloween party.
I just remember telling jokes while vomitting
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
I didn't think it was possible but there may actually be TOO MANY pictures of me tagged shotgunning.
i remember introducing him to all my posters and making him be extra nice to frank sinatra and bob dylan before he fucked me
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
It was like giving head to a cactus.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
It hurts to hear and I can smell shapes.
After we hooked up he started to cry and called his mom and told her he wanted to marry me
But on the bright side the arresting officer was just as hot as I remember and I took a pretty okay mugshot.
He told me their parents think of me as the "drunk friend"...oddly enough, I'm ok with that
Randomize
