The best part about the NBA starting up is I get to see Charles Barkley make a fool out of himself for 8 months
her last google searches are 'cheap african safari' and 'what does lion taste like'
he told me he once ran a blackmarket liquor store out of his house. thats all it took for me to go home with him
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
she paid $15 and a box of cheerios for their acid
I just lifted up my shirt to scratch my stomach n a Dorito flew out of my pullover n it legit scared me when it hit me.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
I just made my mom buy me lube. I've reached a new level of broke.
Come on in and take your pants off
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