he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Drunken horseback riding is the absolute worst decision i've ever made in my life.
My parole officer gave me condoms and a Starbucks gift card ... happy holidays.
The last good decent convo we has was when I was trying to convince you to let me watch you pee.
rumor has it I kept asking you to go to the "tall grass" with me...sorry about that.
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I like to get drunk just like anyone else but not to the point of sticking a rubber tube up my asshole
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
Asking for a friend: is it frowned upon to eat pizza while you materbate or does it just mean you are fantastic at multitasking?
I'm pretty sure i doubled the number of dicks I've ever touched, last night.
Look idk the rules and regulations of our freindship...but I need you to carry me to my car.
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