Taking a 35 year old indonesian home, only in vegas ;-)
He uses pillows to masturbate.
how many princess gummy vitamins will it take to negate last nights drinking binge?
I just saw on the news, this guy tried to smuggle coke in a bouquet of roses... and to think I used to hate valentines day.
he came on my stomach and it was 1000 degrees in his car. i smelled awesome.
It took him three days to realize his roommate had moved out.
YOU RECOMMENDED ME TO THIS GIRL BECAUSE SHES A STRIPPER AND YOU KNOW MY WEAKNESS FOR STRIPPERS WITH CHILDREN.
Dude. 21 days till I'm 21. It's the 21 day countdown. The 25 days of Christmas can suck my dick.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
He held the kayak still so I wouldn't tip over while projectile vomiting. If that ain't true love, I don't know what is...
And besides a nice relationship, I just really want to get laid damnit
*swallows 40 gallons of heavy water and astral projects into buzzfeed* Top Ten Reasons Why I Am God
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I am watching the most amazing drunk person ever. Literally such a trooper that you can put anything in front of him he'll drink it. His latest reason for taking another shot was: well whatever. I'm never gonna get married anyway.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
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