One of my bosses just told me she's having communication problems because mercury is in retrograde this month. I think she's serious.
Just ate applesauce I laced with percocets for dinner. I'm pretty sure my grandmother does the same thing.
I just won 10 dollars from out chugging the bar tender and I found out that the baby aint mine in the last hour. I don't even care if l get laid tonight any more.
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
Apprently after I bit that bouncer, it all went down hill.
I just sent you a multitude of sexual pictures...and you responded with a Charles Dickens Quote.
tell me you did not just describe yourself as "hot and bothered"
I told my coworker that I'm going to a dinner party and was asked to bring wine and pregnancy tests and he was like.. I miss being 20
Might call you tomorrow on a drunken hate filled rant, or just a normal hate filled rant, either way be ready.
Dude, she had a pound of gunpowder in her closet. I for sure got a fear boner.
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
