the only thing he could say in english were 'insert coin here' and 'game over'. i love spanish men.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
Dude it was a mini horse. It obviously only eats mini things.
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
If I win the contest of drinking the most water I get a chicken nugget.
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
They had to take me to the ER because I got a concussion in a parking garage. Not partying with lesbians for a while
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
It's my day off, I'm going to Target to check out Moms in yoga pants
Can we get pizza? This is seriously not a booty call. I just really want someone to get pizza with me.
He took a shot of vodka and AND ATE ME OUT AS A CHASER. YESSS. I AM IN LOVE.
I just bought a bottle of dried bees on Etsy. I am the wrong person to talk you out of this.
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