so he just left - touched my cheek like he was gona kiss me and then gave me a fist bump?
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just saw a guy doing jumping jacks at the gym. I don't even have to create a punch line for that
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
my car smells like vomit and bananas. this can't really be my life.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
The international association of gay square dance clubs had a booth set up in the lobby of my hotel.
GOIN TO BED BEFORE TEQUILA BLEEDS FROM MY EYEBALLS
Woke up with two different pairs of pants in the pockets of a jacket.None of the above are mine.
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I WOULD NEVER MIX DICK AND MCDONALDS
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I’m really regretting these suede pants.
Pillow talk was a high five, this morning she made dinosaur muffins for the house. I love chapel hill
Randomize
