Sorry for calling you a whore in front of your mom. World cup brings the worst out of me.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
I sent him pictures of just me in my thong and he replied "you're so sweet, you make me feel special <3".... Oh.
Well you know it's going to be an interesting night when the bathroom attendant is doing hail marrys
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Hey, I told her the bathroom was a "No fly zone" after I used it. She willingly allowed her nose to go through that pain. It's her fault, she only supplied me with vodka when she knows I only drink rum.
YOU KNOW BRAZILIAN BOYS ARE MY WEAKNESS
When you're not at your house I assumed you're somewhere having sex
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
You kept ranting how Captain Planet is getting shortchanged in the superhero department. Other than that you kept it together
There's glitter all over his bed from my Pink VS panties... I think I might invest in similar styles as a way of marking my territory just incase.
I made a powerpoint to trip to.
you are so studious.
The last thing I remember was them slipping shots into my beer bong, and me being happy about it
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize
