Is this a definitive no? All is forlorn? Such is fine, but i'm drunk and a sucker for concrete answers
how is it that boston is so bitchin and the rest of massachusetts sucks so much?
how is it that you still think "bitchin" is an acceptable term anymore?
my boobs just fell out on the dance floor. my wedding is totally beating your wedding
let's put it this way: i'm gonna stop drinking and get a gym membership. she's that hot
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I was wearing the shirt my little sister got for her birthday when the condom broke. I finally have it back to her and told her it was bad luck
Also one of my neighbors is blasting "pumped up kicks" and possibly butchering some chickens
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
Is it totally terrible that I just signed up for classes and already found the guy I'm going to bang??
Literally just sitting around waiting for someone to come along and fuck my chakras back into alignment
I just need a big sign that says no more penis please hanging over my head at all times
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