i wish my apartment had room service that i didn't have to pay for.
I even resorted to pole dancing with the street sign. I have an extra $20 now because I think people were paying me to leave.
did i paint my nails blue or do i need to make a trip to the ER?
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Nothing will ever prepare you for the moment when you are sitting on your friends bathroom floor with no pants on eating string cheese & pita at 2am.
That's not how these arrangements work. You don't buy each other stuff unless you break a sex toy. End of story.
It's gotten to the point that the dirty talk in my head when I touch myself has your accent
Driving by his house every hour is not stalking, it's a reconnaissance mission... How else can I confront him
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
why the fuck is there hamburger meat in the toaster. i repeat: WHY THE FUCK IS THERE HAMBURGER MEAT IN MY NEW TOASTER
I just said "you do you" to my penis.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
If I don’t find a quality dick soon I’m going to beg the neighbor for another threesome with her and her husband. It’s like Covid killed all the quality penis Vegas normally has
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