wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
she was definitely wearing a bumpit. i think it was the hollywood bumpit. i told her that i lived with my parents to get outta taking her home.
This lady in my dui class just asked what patron was. I feel like she doesn't belong here
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Tell me why I keep soberly hesitating to go pee in fear of breaking the seal. Thank you college.
I think that the winner of this years fantasy football league should get naming rights to you child
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Maybe you shouldn't go to cosmic bowling, i don't know if cum glows and I don't wanna find out i'm sure his parents don't either.
I'm working on finding a bottomless situation. Both pants and mimosas.
If your plan is to re-bang every girl you banged in high school - you're gonna need a spread sheet and clip board.
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
your keys are upstairs on the nightstand or I put them in the hole in the wall
I wet willied a stranger last night didn’t I?
We just started our own DARE program: Drugs are really enjoyable.
Randomize
