im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
yup put them legs up on your shoulders and eat her like some folgers
eat her like coffee?
If I saw Perez Hilton naked I think I would stick a lit candle down my throat.
nutella sex= disaster
can't wait for January to be Over so I don't have to see all the fat resolutionists working out.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
It was like stroking your vagina with a cloud.
I left after my shirt got dropped in the toilet thinking that there was absolutely no good that could happen the rest of the evening. I hear I was very wrong.
a 6'8" white kid in a Lin jersey just wandered out of my gay kid brother's room. when does spring break end, again?
You're getting spoiled, you better send me at least a side boob pic if you wanna see my dick dressed up as Davie Crockett.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
"Wine night with the girls" turned into me having to set an alarm in the bathtub this morning...
I mean, how am I going to build a relationship on trust if he finds out I roofied him?
The only people who will bring me pizza or tacos want a commitment and I'm hungry for food not their love.
Hey, I left a taco in your dishwasher.
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