Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
you said you get the best orgasms off Pez dispensers. how do you think he felt????
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
The gym has a pool
my gym membership just went from "way to get in shape" to "place to go swim when I'm high"
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
walk of shame into the pharmacy with a busted up chin and laughing the lady at the counter rolled her eyes at me when I asked for the morning after pill.
She left me naked in my bed and without my phone I had her give me her phone number on the calculator on my laptop. It might be fake.
I'm pants less watching buffy the vampire slayer drinking rum. I'm not that hard to impress
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
the sex was good. her showing me pictures of her 4 year old daughter afterwards was not.
I'm literally rolling on acid for the first time during Thanksgiving. Help me.
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
Your the only girl I know that carries a $1100 purse with tater tots inside
The next morning I found her spread eagle asleep on the living room floor and he was asleep with his head in her crotch. I needed a ride and had to wake them up.
Randomize
