She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
I miss being able to drink at 11am just cause it was sunny outside.
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
I will now refer to my life as before and after I used Astroglide for the first time
Woke up to a break up text for a facebook relationship I didn't even know I was in... 2012 is going to be a good year
I gave the naked guy in the hotel a pop tart. He stopped crying.
Dude the tree smoked with me. I planted the roach with it and smiled.
Thanks for the cold. I shartted and sat through a whole soccer game. James made 3 scores.
Security has videotape of her blowing the boss against his car. Don't they know he entire parking lot is under video surveillance?
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I woke up on the hammock spooning a box of Cheese Itz.
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
Her dad had just brought down their giant American flag for 4th of July and we fucked on it. I have never been more patriotic
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