I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
You wouldnt be able to explain the can of green beans in my mailbox, would you?
Saturday morning. Went into a study room excited b/c some1 had left a paper w/ an inspirational quote: YOU ARE cApable of aChieving anything yoU waNT. Then I read the bold letters.....
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
My mom was looking at curtains for me and sent pictures and I had to be like "not the Disney princess pink and purple, more like an acid trip"
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
If we could give a gymnastic score to drunken nights, I would be a part of the Fab Five.
Easter bunny might get some gnarly munches and not even have enought candy left to hand out
Oh. So it is a cult
Basically. But a nice cult. They eat muffins and talk about fundraising.
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
She used a candle as a shot glass.. A FUCKING CANDLE BRO!!
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Randomize
