birth control and beer are two of the most beautiful creations ever invented.
Not to make her into that kind of girl, but she did have a condom mural
Now that you're back together are you gonna tell him you set his stuff on fire?
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
If she were to ever cheat on her husband, I'm positive I'm the the go to guy. Which flatters me and weirds me out at the same time.
I shouldn't trust a guy I just met with the pull out method. That's a big responsibility.
I've got to stop giving the gift of vagina for every occasion. I'm exhausted.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
You stole my crutches last night at the bar, the DJ had to ask for them to be returned
Yeah she's a complete bitch. But I mostly hate her because she hijacked my fuck buddy.
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
I have blood and BBQ sauce all over my shirt. I blame you for the blood.
I feel like you should store your weed in something that suits your personality. For example mines in a hollowed out disney princess book.
Just bought shot glasses from the thrift store. I think the guy buying a winter coat was even judging me.
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