Please dont use Danity Kane lyrics to describe your emotions.
There's a fat drunk walrus bitch here next to me and shes already puked and now falling on herself
OH FUCK NOW HER BOYFRIEND IS MAKING OUT WITH HER VOMIT HOLE
Sounds like a good blink 182 concert...
It's like the Sean Connery of vaginas. You don't mess with it.
I feel like my chances would have been better if I hadn't told her "I need to fuck you before you leave."
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
I just saw an easily 300lb shirtless man on a Vespa. My day has been simultaneously made and ruined.
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
Apparently we carried the stove upstairs. I Woke up with it in my room.
I still maintain we were not that drunk......
Dude, Dimensionally it doesn't even fit in that stairway! We might have to knock a wall out to get it back down!
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
Swear to god, somebody just drove by with mickey mouse in their passenger seat and he waved at me.
First dip in a brand new jar of Nutella, and my man’s dick are two things I will not fucking share.
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
I just folded my laundry and I washed 3 pairs of underwear and 6 jizz towels. Clearly I'm quarantining right.
Randomize
