This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
What can I say, he stumbled upon the key to my heart: orgasms and mac 'n cheese.
And when he pulled me off the bathroom floor, he just looked at the cat litter stuck to my chin and said "oh sweetie" and shook his head. I think my dad's officially given up hope.
She just started grabbing all the hospital's rubber gloves and face masks and shoving them in her purse, saying, "My tax money paid for these!"
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
I pretty much landed into this relationship penis first
He's a Shit stain on my heart
I'm trying to ve beat feiesnd sent.
Also, we found a geriatric Snoop Lion.
so much tequila, so little girl.
I left my parents and ran through the airport. I was like I'm not getting stuck in Atlanta tonight and not having sex.
Randomize
