Hi Jason, it's Liz. We dont need you to pick us up anymore. I dont care if you will be here in a milisecond. And you should know im wearing really amazing shoes.
I think my fart just growled at me.
Ask Niel how long his lasts if he plays with it a lot.
he says 15-20 minutes depending on the porn.
no his phone, idiot.
if pee wee herman would have taken a snuggie to the movies he wouldnt have gotten caught
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
weed brownie and a latte, breakfast of champions
Don't say that out loud. People might think I really like to pee on you.
Of course you don't like it. I am the one who likes it.
Please don't drown this weekend. It would be a shame to lose a dick like yours.
yep you were here saturday. if you woke up smelling like vanilla i can explain.
Standing here wondering if its a good idea to cook pork chops in the toaster or not.
Settled one third of the tab. Am going back for sex. Love you, make friends
Tbh the only thing I was fully concerned about from the dream was what type of fucked up parallel universe doesn't have Coca-Cola
Yeah, so, that moment when the repair guy comes in and you see your cock ring on the counter one second before he does.
My room looks so cute. Who wouldn't want to hook up with me in here?
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
