Vomit. Vomit. Whatever. You wear a tiara in public.
giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
the other night i did but this one wasnt and it was so random. i was hooking up with this boy who wanted to roleplay and pretend to be snakes
He played with my vagina like it was a turntable
I was to drunk to drive all the way up there, so we just had rough phone sex instead
I know. I almost started crying. IN WHAT UNIVERSE IS THAT A TURN ON?!
Night is still young. Puking guts out part of it just began
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
tonights mission is daddy issue patrol - we wear old spice and drink gin martinis and see who reacts.
It's rum buckets o'clock
My roommates don't agree with the whole tv in the bathroom idea. Fucking barbarians.
Oh, and let me go get some popcorn, watching you make your own decisions should be quite the shitshow.
Great, now even dream!me is a drunken borderline mess.
I visited the library for the first time in my college career tonight and I got laid. I think I'm gonna come back...
If she didn't have scissors in her hand I would have motor boated the fuck out of her when she was done cutting my hair.
Randomize
