I just Organized my jello shots by their colors in my mini fridge for the rest of the week. I'm going places in life.
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
What happened to chicks over dicks?
That rule does not apply to 9 inch dicks..
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
oh wow I have been there. Hell one time Matt and I woke up naked with pizza rolls in the bed.
The closest thing to a sext that you will ever receive from me is a picture of pepperonis on Greg's asscheeks, clenching.
SORRY! Pervert came out for a bit. BAD PERVERT! BACK IN YOUR HOME!
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
Quick how do you hit on a guy in the car behind you? It's important.
She's going to be the first to die of too much illness. Not even super bad stuff like cancer but like for having a cold at the same time as a sore throat and chlamydia or something. Just too much diseases.
I just spent 12 consecutive hours in the same outfit and none of it was pajamas. If that's not personal growth, I don't know what is.
These last 48 hours have just been about deleting my most recent snap story
Do you think it would be weird to add her on Facebook?
You just commited a felony act together, I honestly think we're beyond this.
I like to make sure they know it's casual by giving then a high five after sex
Randomize
