Fell asleep in bio again. Sometimes i feel like college is just one really expensive nap.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
They told me I stole 50 buns and a bottle of mayo and would whisper in their ears to look under my shirt to see what was for breakfast... benefit of starting to drink at 9 am
He warned me he may piss the bed. I'm oddly okay with this.
I lost my phone so I put sticky notes all over my roommates body asking her to wake me up at 7:00 AM.
Just saw a crackhead get taken down by pd in the canal. Its offically spring
The walk home from the bar is FAR more shameful in daylight.
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
No I need this job. I actually contemplated buying a vibrator with my dad's credit card the other night.
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I started a USA chant at the bar last night for no reason, other than being plastered. Within 15 seconds, I was standing on a table and the whole bar was chanting but nobody knew why.
All I know for sure is, I went to bed drunk and I woke up in a relationship..I think I need to reevaluate my drinking skills.
Is there a number of dicks a girl can have in a weekend before it becomes unacceptable? Asking for a friend
Remember! It’sa long weekend and a holiday weekend and it’s America’s birthday! So don’t short change me!
I thought you were asking for a friend
Randomize
