I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
they could make at least 3 episode of "i shouldn't be alive" out of my weekend
btw i have an angry voicemail of you yelling at me to get you a sandwich or die.
Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
It is official. It's the year of doin married chicks. Similar to the year of virgins but without all the baggage.
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
I burst into tears on the boat this morning because we bumped a duck in the head. I am way too hung over for today
Thanks for your number, i want to ski with you, do party with you and sleep with you. Lucas.
I know. I told you I'm a mess. She had weird nipples. I almost lost an eye to one.
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
I just want to return to LA when the weed and dick is plentiful.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.
You chose shitty college football over this pussy and my cute little mouth. That's your fault.
Worst sex ever! He was a talker for sure! I was on top and out of no where he said "Oh you bad bitch?" I stopped and left.
Randomize
