Dude, I woke up in the middle of the night and your room mate was just standing there at the foot of the bed, watching us sleep.. you don't remember me shaking the shit out of you to tell you this?!
This could explain the reason why I've been finding his clothing and keys scattered in random parts of my room..
AND THIS DOESN'T WORRY YOU?!
Liz and I are now offficially highest. OH, and your girlfriend may be a vampire. Heads up. SPARKLESSSSS
Put my glitter back.
Just took my morning after pill in the library
can you explain why there is a dead rabbit in my front seat?
idk, I had a turtle in mine.
This girl just stopped in the middle of a sentence because of my blue eyes. She said she got lost in them. I am laying pipe tonight.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
i can't decided whether the fact that her nipples are bigger then her palms is a problem or not
pretty sure I offered to blow her dad. she's not speaking to me & he won't stop winking at me.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
After much deliberatipn and vodka, my favourite phrase of Christmas 2012 is "penis of last resort"
I don't know if I want context or not...
Context involves faux incest and champagne. Id go into detail but im on shot number 5.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I'm pretty sure that cute cop drove me home. Especially since I found his card in my purse.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
Randomize
