frozen peaches as icecubes. vodka Sundays just got wayyyy better
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Was just explained ingredients in a four loko. Puzzles of the universe starting to piece together.
Also, new rule: You are no longer allowed to send me a text with the word "dildo" in it before 10am.
We need to pull ourselves out of this slump. We need dick and lots of it. We are going to fuck our way to happiness.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
sometimes it's just necessary to be your own gyno when you're too afraid to tell your mom about your real life
His birthday is on Valentines Day, of course he's getting a blowjob
God bless the petty bitch who invented screen shot
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
