here I sit at Southern Illinois' finest pubs and I thought I heard your laugh. I was sadly astonished to turn and find a midget cracking herself up reading the label on her can of chewing tobacco...
it was like getting a handjob from mrs. butterworth
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
All I heard was "You have collect call from Lafayette Parish Jail for Dude it was awesome! I'll tell you about it later!"
Hey do you have anything at your house 30 ft. tall to throw eggs off of?
i gave him a hand job with one hand and held the 40 with the other. this is like freshman year all over again.
Don't mean to be rude. But did you, by any chance, cut down a tree from my neighbors backyard last night? And did you also drag it to my yard and burn it?
He shoved his balls through an egg carton and showed us a picture. They were surprisingly egg-like.
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
I didn't realize how trashy of a night we had.
Welllll, you did eat a cherry out of my pussy. So I think that classes it up a little.
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
I learned that I order a bunch of dollar shots at the bar and once it's ready turned around and say "who wants pay?" And someone will pay
When the hubs wants to wear his training mask during sex and pretend to be Bane you just go with it.
HE CHOSE A RESTAURANT AND MADE A FUCKING RESERVATION. I AM SHOOK
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