I just found a porn show called cleavagefield. no i am not watching.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
she said, "is it ok if I touch it?" that's when I knew I was in trouble... I knew she was a virgin but seriously..
Because you know it would be fucking amazing to get trashed and shatter the dreams of 12 year old girls. I might get a shirt.
Apparently she doesn't appreciate the significance of eskimo sisterhood as much as I do.
malibu coconut giveth, and malibu coconut taketh away
I'm on acid right now in three feet of snow. I NEEEED YOOOOUUUU
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I didnt realize until i got your email that what i've been missing in my life is someone to send me dog gifs
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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