I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
I wish life was like the Sims. Right when you're pregnant the music would play and I would just know instead of agonizing for the next two weeks.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
and he says: but we did find out that your ovaries have never released eggs. first thing out of my mouth: so i didnt really need to take the morning after pill so many times in college?
not the response he usually gets im sure.
maybe next time you shouldn't be drinking alone watching intervention at 3 am and no one would think you needed an intervention.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
If a man doesnt have the ability to fuck you well on a small climbing wall, I don't think he deserves you.
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
I thought he was walking around the front. I just hit and run my booty call. I'm the worst non girlfriend ever
I built a fence. For the bunnies we're going to adopt. I'll fill you in when you get home.
I have to tell him to stop eating me out so I'm not late for work; my life could be a lot worse.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Accidentally made a bowl of macaroni and cheese with a bottle of vodka. It's not that bad
Randomize
