I just wanted to let you know that this afternoon I took a piss at the same toliet you drank out of on New Years Eve.
Even my vagina gasped.
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
Also while I am being the bigger person I plan on bringing over something strong smelling and/or alcoholic to torture the poor hungover bastard
I need moral support for this bender
when the washing machine is on all the beer bottles jiggle and clink against each other... "drink us drink us drink us"
We're gonna have screwdrivers in a cab at 4am?
Is that weird?
she just nodded and said "yeah, I'd fuck him for a reese's peanut butter cup". it's so nice to know I'm not the biggest whore living here
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
I'm sorry. I slept with him again. On the plus side he's got better at it!
Hey, if a dude can't randomly belt out Whitney Houston tunes from time to time, is life really worth living??
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
We're starting to light shit on fire, bring a metal bucket. Be prepared, Jimmy's off his meds.
Bleach your asshole, I'm on my way.
Who is this?!?!
Randomize
