I hope the kids appreciate the fact that I jizzed on her instead of on their slide.
Living well is not the best revenge. Fucking his brother is.
There are about 5 pictures of my dog taking a dump on my camera and 20 of Brandon taking one for "comparison" reasons.
Nothing says happy baby shower like showing up still kinda drunk from last night with an open tall boy in one hand and fries in the other.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
You asked me if I was judging you for being drunk, and if I can hypnotize you make sober.
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
I mean, she's batshit insane and once choked a guy with one hand but she's still MILF material in my book.
I feel like you're the sexual bearcat I've always wanted to be.
Honestly cannot tell if I’m magical or really, really high.
I met up with trey last night. He whispered in my ear "I love you" then raised his voice and said "but not in a I want to marry you kind of way, but if you died I would cry."
Randomize
