Im at strip club and am horny
I accidentally had sex with my boyfriend's twin last night...and he didn't stop me.
How was it?
Fantastic, but that's not the point.
just heard 2 nerds making fun of a girl for mispronouncing stochiometry. they followed it up by discussing the mathematical equation for getting laid. my day just became 100x better.
I didn't want to talk to him so I just started telling him how important Jesus was to me
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
You never go ass to mouth. That's quite possibly the most important rule Paramedic school has taught me.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
jut tell him gently that you'd rather spend more time with his dick than his face
All I want for Christmas is my co-worker's speakerphone to be thrown against a brick wall, and the remains burned in a backyard fire while I roast a hot dog over it. Is that so much to ask?
he drank half a bottle of bushmills, stood up to pee over the side, pissed his pants, sat in the puddle on the deck, told me my life goals were stupid and impossible, and wouldn't leave until 5am. by the time I got up at 8 I had 4 texts and 2 fb messages from him. AND HE STILL THINKS IT WENT WELL
I've never been so excited to be bleeding from my vagina.
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Almost gave the delivery guy a 34 dollar tip. That high
I'm seriously scared right now. Woke up next to 3 geese and a lot of feathers ..
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