you know you're not getting laid when you start breaking awkward silences with quotes from Robot Chicken
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
I need to make a 'no kissing' rule for my casual hookups during cold season...this cold is so not worth it.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
He appeared on my 7th floor fire escape and sang to me and jimmy through the window when we fucked. He's like a drunken mix of Sinatra and Spiderman.
We are keeping it ultra classy drinking 40s and playing croquet with 90s rap blasting in the back ground
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
There is a glee sing along. It's on random and they know them all. Like, the specific glee timings and pauses. I need to leave. I need to escape
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
Mom is talking about dicks with her friends in the living room. I am 5 seconds away from scaling the bathroom window out of here.
All I'm saying is this is the exact reason I should not be left unsupervised.
Sorry you uh had to see that last night. That's the problem with open fields, no privacy...
Randomize
