I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Within 5 minutes of max walking in his pants were off and he was wearing my snow goggles as underwear.
that blow job was not worth the clinginess that will follow
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
he was inside of, then got up said "we don't want you having a baby," grabbed his car keys and left. so now i'm just sitting on his bed, wondering if he's coming back.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
I wanna fuck that hideous moustache right off your face. get the confetti ready for the festivities
Thanks for takin my cousin out last night, sorry I passed out so early
You kidding, the kids a legend. He literally killed a bottle of Jamison, made out with a girl AND her Mom at the bar, stole us slices of pizza and told the cab driver where to go in Spanish. He doesn't even live in the area. Can we keep him?
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
He put a doughnut around his dick and I ate it. What can I say. It was a good fucking night.
She’s super into those renaissance faires. But, if you can’t actually stab anyone, what’s the point?
Randomize
