There is a mermaid on oprah and she looks nothin like ariel
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
I didn't wanna be that girl that took a shit in the ocean..
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
They really brought out their best strippers for vday weekend
He's reached the drunk point where he's trying to convince the family to buy falcons as pets. Can't wait to see how my steak turns out
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
There is a BIG difference between doing coke and getting peed on and getting peed on FOR coke
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
We just fucked each other sober. #goteam
She tied me to her bed using her honor chords. Thank god for graduation!
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