Ben affleck wants to be a US senator. Just thought you would puke with me
Do I need to let your sister outside to go pee or anything before I leave?
No, a stripper letting you buy her dinner is not the same as a girlfriend.
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
He's like my sex unicorn. Elusive and majestic. I'll catch him, I'm baiting with patron.
The cop was more concerned with the fact I had cowboy boots on with shorts than the fact we were under age
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
I just found a 2 minute video on my phone of you throwing up in a fake plant.
I'm on this new diet called "I have 10$ till next Friday, I have rice
Also-when I die, I want it to be with my arms above my head so that when rigor mortis sets in, my breasts are perky.
Im shooting goldshlager and waxing my crotch
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Where is Holly?
Nevermind. i can hear her having sex two doors down
It's starting to get sad how I have this 'new beginning' feeling after every negative pregnancy test
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