Totally smoking with fifteen year olds.
How old was that tiny chick? she needs a lard iv.
I looked at my own cervix.
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
benefit of terrorism--they won't let you buy random one way plane tickets to random parts of the country for no reason nonmatter how high you are.
We named our saturday intramural dodgeball team "we're hungover". Pretty much just an excuse to fuel my alcoholism on friday nights.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
I can't believe I just compared my penis to a St. Bernard.
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
We are actually the same person except with opposite genitalia, which are both incredible.
If only I could bank my drunk hookups for a sober IOU.
You stared at a Swedish dude for like 5 minutes then asked him "shouldn't you be yelling at dragons"
I've finally done it. I finally achieved my lifelong goal of becoming that awkward lesbian in high school who went on to have sex with more women than any of her male classmates.
I think drunk me saved him in my phone as "beautiful man" to play a joke on sober me
Randomize
