Its way too early to be sitting naked at his dining room table...
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
rubbing her clit was like playing thumb war
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
I could hear his roommate in the background imitating my sex sounds...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
it was a weeks worth of wine for $20. it would have been fiscally irresponsible to not buy it.
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
i just remember explaining why my socks were better than everyone elses.
I'm giving great sideboob & it's being wasted on my parents.
Worst decision of artistic career thus far: bringing a banana to eat on male model day.
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
Spending the night with him made me realize that stupid people both irritate and fascinate me, so I'd say it equaled itself out.
You were filing your nipples with a nail file to "make them sharper"
Yes, the maid of honor did just deep throat the mic during the toast. How do I follow that?
Randomize
