I don't want to talk about it. He was like the Little Engine that couldn't get me off.
The brown eye won't let me do that either.
she's laying in my bed with an ice pack on her vagina. how do you think it went?
the man who designed bathrooms to have toilets within easy puking distance from the shower is my hero
just saw a guy driving a atv down the highway in a tux.... only in Iowa...
It's like playing clue with my own life. I have to piece together what I did, where I was, how I did it, and who I did it to
sorry for the naked aussie man in your room last night, he got lost on his way to the bathroom
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
So I'm about to drive his drunk ass home and he spits on my car. Before I can say, "Dude, what the fuck?!", he puts his finger to my lips and goes "shhh, its in the past."
She made me walk a straight line to prove i was sober enough to help carry you to the car
Knowing you it was perfect out of spite. Like. A line straighter than YOU
It's 4 am here and I just vomited myself awake....Not rising OR shining any time soon
You know you had a good night when your wearing you best friends pants to work the next day
I think about him when I masturbate so I guess you could call it love
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
Randomize
