i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
I was just at the bank and there was a fat lady wearing a cape. today is gonna be awesome.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I ended up staying at a police station for being a witness in a public masturbation case..NOW do you believe me that I've never had a good St. Patrick's Day?
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
Dude he fell into my wall and left an imprint then decided to have sex with the door open. Vents carry noise pretty well
Annnnddddd this chick is using a hand puppet made of a sock to give her research presentation...
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
They way I see it is I've wasted 7 years of having these glorious tits. I only have about 3 good years left before idk kids or just gravity takes over and they don't look this nice so it's basically open season.
I'll be honest, I too would punch the 21 year old version of myself in the face, and then have rough sex with him.
I just went on etsy and my personalized suggestions on the page were either kinky sex restraints or baby things. I feel like etsy just summarized my life.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Apparently I handcuffed myself to the dishwasher...
May I the honors of taking your dick tonight?
The honor would be all mine.
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