i hate this light. i wouldnt even hook up with me in this light
He said he was from Mississippi and my vagina clamped shut like a frightened oyster
Three 40's of Mickeys, is no excuse to be naked at Baskin Robins.
Do brothers usually kiss their sisters?
Just heard a guy discussing with someone else the amazing blow job you gave him. I’m in New York. Over 2 hours away from where you live. I have never been more proud.
we convinced you the moon was a planet...again
He was standing in the front door with a kareoke machine yelling at the neighbors as the unloaded their van
Just saw a 300lb woman fall down. Shes screaming like a beached manatee. Her 120lb boyfriend is trying to push her up. It's like watching an infant try to bench
THE CONDOM ONLY COVERS HALF OF HIS DICK I AM IN THE BATHROOM PANICKING
I like to imagine god has to get plastered to deal with the fact that he made you and me
There's a bus with a band full of dancing women in bras. I think I like it here.
no joke- she just sprinkled parmesan cheese into her champagne and slurred "I just need a little snack"
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
Also: that bruise on my leg where you left like 3 sets of teeth marks keeps getting run into the corners of desks and shit. And I can't even complain to anyone at work
Randomize
