so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
I typed "housewife" into monster.com's search engine....I got zero results...kinda bummed
Oh my god. I think I just sexted my mom...
What?!
Fwd: Ride me, you sleek sleek woman!!!
Dude, she's just using you for your money, and Cavs tickets.
Honestly, what else do I have going for me?
You make a valid point.
Currently microwaving whipped cream to make white Russians and hotboxing the kitchen while this random kid is dancing in the corner.
Now have a vodka water and get your shit together
I'm more concerned about the fact that I can't feel my gums
Can you explain to me the broken disco ball in my front yard?
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Then she said I give the best mouth hugs and bar went silent.
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
Our sub is singing "i believe i can fly" after yelling at the class this whole time and this is really hella weird
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
