YOU GOT EVICTED FROM A TRAILER PARK!?!? WTF!!!!!
There's a pair of socks on the bar. No-one's questioned this.
They all laughed at me when I bought that necklace from Life Alert. Who's laughing now?
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
We made a bet that we had to talk like Yoda all night at the bars
Yea, I had a chaperone thankfully. I'm in the fetal position attempting to eat captain crunch now.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Drunkenly bought a $240 realtor course last night. Apparently even drunk me thinks my future is going nowhere
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Let's go dancing. I wanna sprain an ankle. And a labia. My labia or yours. I'm not picky.
I just sustained a forearm injury dancing to salt n peppa in my kitchen. Fack. I pushed it real good.
I never thought my selfie stick would come in handy for nudes.
I found three naked dudes in your bed this morning. Did we have a really weird break in or do you need to tell me something?
I've peed in two sinks in the past two weeks. No one should be able to say that.
Just calm down. My foot long super joint and I will be over shortly.
Randomize
