Sometimes I stick my finger in my own ass and pretend it’s a vagina. I think it’s kinda weird. What do you think?
just got high and bedazzled my bra. other than bleeding from the prongs life is so good.
I'm on my fifth double. This night is getting better whether it likes it or not.
he confused my yawn for an orgasm
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
some girl at the bar told me my beard would tickle every inch of her body till she joy puked her face off.... that was so random and odd i just had to buy her a drink for having the guts to say it to me. WTF
I though us hooking up in the field was your way of saying you were an outdoors person
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
It happened to me once. But i washed off in a duck pond and walked home naked.
His weed is so good that I don't wanna risk loosing him as my weed man so I plan to keep him in the friend zone 😂
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
he was wearing a pyjama shirt under a dress shirt under a hoodie under a robe under a rain poncho the man was prepared for anything
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
He climbed on the counter and announced it was time for something called The Cocktacular and all the girls immediately left. He cockblocked the entire fraternity!
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